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Staying For The Sake Of Staying

Category : Moving On

Ever since I began my career as a social worker and continued to work with divorcees, I have seen far too many people who stay in relationships for all the wrong reasons. Many stay for the sake of staying, which is never a healthy thing.  Even with 50% of marriages ending in divorce, I still think there are couples staying together instead of leaving.  Many times, staying is influenced by a couples cultural and generational background. 

If you are staying for the wrong reasons, you might want to rethink the reasons why. If you think you may be staying in an unhealthy relationship but don’t know the reasons why, take a  look at the list below and see if it relates to you:

*Children are a major reason married couples stay together.  While it is certainly a good reason, you also need to consider that your children want you both to be happy and if leaving would make your lives better your kids might be even happier in the end as well.

*Fear can keep a person in the wrong relationship. While you may be scared of the unknown and what unexpected things life can bring, you need to consider taking that leap.

*One of the reasons many stay is because of low self esteem. They actually feel like they deserve to be mistreated. Since they don’t like themselves they search out people who will treat them the same.  Know your worth!

*Many people also have a hard time being alone. They settle for having a body next to them,even if it clearly isn’t the right one.

*These days with the current economy, financial issues can keep two people together.  Not the right time to see the home. A bad time to look for a job.

*Guilt can play its hand too.  A husband or wife may feel guilty because their partner says they need them.  If you take off in your partners time of need, the guilt can mount.  But many times its more of the partner making you feel that way than the reality of the situation.   

*The feeling of failure is often a reason why people stay.  If you have spent 10 years with your partner and you leave, then you feel like you failed and wasted all of that time.

Time to live YOUR life.  Do what feels right and live by your decisions.

Comments (6)

i stay in my marriage only because I have the best wife in the world and I love her dearly

and she has the best husband in the world. Aren’t we both so lucky? And thanks for the lovely post

Making difficult decisions often have positive rewards!

really solid advice. thx.

Some serious issues you can’t fix or be responsible for in a partner or anyone else. They include: physical and mental abuse, drug and alcohol additions, etc. Then you DEFINITELY need to end the relationship.

Otherwise, it’s important to really examine one’s own imperfections and needs. There is no guarantee that another partner may be better, although being alone may be better for some!

There are too many variables, emotional and practical, to cover in a short commentary, but I think there are times when staying together for the sake of the children is a damn good idea. Particularly when younger children are involved. They’re much more concerned with their own happiness than with the happiness of their parents. That would come from a very mature, very secure kid! And for some period of time – not forever – the parents who brought them into this world can perhaps find ways to maintain a healthy, comforting home together.

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