After a divorce, everyone needs a breather. Sure we all want to jump right into our new lives, but emotions and stresses from your ex probably drained you. Sometimes it’s good to just back in touch with yourself. During your marriage, you lived your life for two and now you’re living for just one. It’ s a good idea to take a little time to get used to that again along with getting re-centered. Between family, attorneys and your ex coming at you from all angles, being by yourself for a little bit might just be one of the best post-divorce moves you could make.
People who have been married for a long time sometimes don’t know what to do with themselves alone. It’s almost as if they forgot how to be alone after a break-up. This is good excercise to show yourself that being alone is a good thing and it is actually enjoyable. Go to a local museum alone and soak in the art. Or, go to a movie alone. This is a great one because you can see whatever you want and you don’t have to share your popcorn. Spring is also a great time of year to enjoy some alone time. You can go for a weekend getaway alone. It can be as simple as a trip to your local beach or maybe a spa day with some relaxation for your body and mind. You can also take see a play or find a local book signing with an author you admire. How about going for a long jog or a long drive with the windows open and your favorite song playing. You can sit in a park with a book or ride a bike for some excercise. Whatever you decide to do alone enoy the peace that comes along with it! You deserve it!!
The new issue of MORE Magazine will hit newsstands tomorrow and one of our favorite late night hosts, Chelsea Handler, graces the cover. She looks beautiful and offers MORE a lot more about her relationship with Andre Balazs, including if wedding bells are in her future. “I’ve never been proposed to, and I don’t know that that’s in my future,” she says in MORE. “I don’t know that I’m marriage material.” Yourdivorceday.com thinks Chelsea is marriage material! And all of our readers should say “I do” to MORE Magazine and pick up the May issue tomorrow!!
Also, my latest article entitled, “Divorced People Need Friends Too” was just posted on MORE Magazine online. You can read it by clicking here. Make sure to share it with all of your friends!
When I went to the “Start Over Smart” expo a few weeks ago in New York City, I met a really interesting lady, Maria Coder. She was a former crime and general assignment reporter. She had suffered a broken heart, and decided never to be blindsided again! So she wrote this great book entitled, InvestiDate: How to Investigate Your Date. It is so interesting with lots of clues of things to look for when you are meeting new people. Often, initial judgements can be wrong, so Maria helps you make those judgements in a more logical way. She wants to help men and women know what they are getting into when they go out. Check it out, it is really interesting.
Here is the book description from Amazon:
InvestiDate: How to Investigate Your Date is a fun, tongue-in-cheek, secret weapon-like book that arms men and women with tools to maneuver through this minefield called love. All with the 007-mission to steer clear of physical danger, financial ruin, and emotional harm.
Daters of all ages will learn step-by-step how to:
-Conduct criminal checks
-Gauge marital status
-Create a Date-a-Base
-Scour property records
-And much, much more
Created by Maria Coder, a former crime and general assignment reporter, InvestiDate teaches daters how to investigate their dates using modern day scenarios. InvestiDate has been featured on The TODAY Show. UK’s Mail Online, Australia’s The Morning Show, New York Magazine, The Washington Times, and countless other media.
No stranger to a broken heart, Maria has canceled a wedding, dumped a philanderer, and had her heart unrecognizably pulverized a time or two. She’s earned her dues in the dating trenches and has decided it’s time to set the record straight.
A member of Investigative Reporters and Editors, a professional organization dedicated to improving the quality of investigative reporting, Maria is committed to empowering men and women to know what they’re getting themselves into; and to know when to get out. A self-proclaimed New Yorker, Maria travels frequently, teaching workshops and webinars. More information and weekly tips available at www.InvestiDateYourDate.com.
Spring has arrived, so have you begun “spring cleaning” yet? Sometimes, cleaning isn’t just washing down the outdoor patio furniture and setting it up. It can be an emotional cleaning and a clearing out of some of the people in your life. After a divorce, it’s a time to think out with the old and in with the new — a new way of life, a new mind-set and a new beginning in more ways than one!
Below are some ways for divorcee’s to spring clean for a new season and a new life!
*Rid Your Life of Negativity: I try to make it a policy to move away from negative people. They will only bring you down. You’re going up, up and up!
*Clean Your Diet: Try to do a spring cleaning of your diet. Lots of green vegetables are key to staying young and energetic. Eat healthier today.
*Early to Bed, Early to Rise: You will be more productive if you get more out of your day. If you’re a late night person, switch to being an early morning one. You will feel better and make more things happen.
*Clean Your Habits: If you have any bad habits left over from your marriage give them a spring cleaning! Spending too much money at the mall? Not recycling enough? Smoking still after the divorce? Try your best to move forward in a new way and recognizing the things that need adjustments is an imporant step.
*Focus On Your Future: Spring clean your goals and write down new ones, setting them in motion for the future you deserve!
Can men and women JUST be friends? This is at the core of an article this past Sunday in the New York Times written by essayist and author William Deresiewicz. If you are newly divorced this is an interesting area to consider. I have had many women call me and say they met a guy and after an evening together with no romance, they were not sure if they are going to be “just friends.” If two people are straight, can they both be only friends? Sure you make friends at work, but I am talking about the one you meet out at a bar or through a mutual friend at a party. Where does that go? Also, is it different at different ages. Deresiewicz says in the Times piece, ”CAN men and women be friends? We have been asking ourselves that question for a long time, and the answer is usually no. The movie “When Harry Met Sally…” provides the locus classicus. The problem, Harry famously explains, is that “the sex part always gets in the way.” Heterosexual people of the opposite sex may claim to be just friends, the message goes, but count on it — wink, wink, nudge, nudge — something more is going on. Popular culture enforces the notion relentlessly. In movie after movie, show after show, the narrative arc is the same. What starts as friendship (Ross and Rachel, Monica and Chandler) ends up in bed.”
The article goes through a bit of the history of men and women relations, the changes feminism had on society and how times have changed. He even discusses his own experiences and how platonic relationships were not something that was rare to him. He said, “Friendships with members of the opposite sex have been an important part of my life since I went to high school in the late 1970s, and I hardly think I’m alone. Consult your own experience, but as I look around, I don’t see that platonic friendships are actually rare at all or worthy of a lot of winks and nudges. Which is why you don’t much hear the term anymore. Platonic friendships now are simply friendships. But doesn’t the sex thing get in the way? At times, no doubt. It’s harder for the young, of course — all those hormones, and so many of your peers are unattached. In fact, one of the most common solutions to Harry’s quandary is to have sex and then remain friends. If the sex thing gets in the way, the answer often seems to be to just get it out of the way.”
To read the rest of the article click here. Do you have any men in your life that are just friends? Let us know your experiences.
Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday weekend. I feel that Spring has finally sprung and is in full effect! I got this email from a reader yesterday that I wanted to share with you as well as my response.
Just had an interesting holiday weekend that I wanted to share with you. I have been divorced for eight years and have been dating the same woman exclusively for almost a year. My ex-wife and I have become friends since our divorce. This is nothing that I expected to happen. But we have a son together and we enjoy each others company as friends and parents. She is remarried and had invited me to her home in Northern California for the Easter weekend. I invited my girlfriend and it proved to be a mistake. While she was cordial in front of my wife, she read me the riot act for the entire three hour drive home. She said she thinks it’s weird that my ex are friends and so close after our divorce. Even though my ex is remarried, my girlfriend thinks we might end up back together again. She said she will not go with me to any more events that my ex will be present at as she does not condone the closeless that we have. Granted I am eighteen years older than my girlfriend, but I thought this was very immature on her part. I have strong feelings for my girlfriend. On the other hand, I like the relationship I have with my wife. How do you suggest I proceed? Or should I just proceed with breaking up with her? Thanks.
I am sorry about the ride home. I am sure you wanted to be anywhere than in that car with your girlfriend for the three hour ride home (which probably felt like eight). While I wasn’t there and don’t know how you were acting with your ex-wife in front of your girlfriend, it does sound like your girlfriend may be a bit insecure. I am sure your intentions are friendship and wanting the best for your son. If you are not going to budge on your relationship (which sounds like it is really a great one for your child) I would suggest attending couples counseling with your girlfriend to discuss this. If she can’t understand that life goes on after a divorce then you may want the leave your current relationship. You need to find someone who understands that you had a life before you met them and a responsibility to keep things peaceful and joyous for your son. She has to have trust and faith like the eggs pictures above!
I attended the “Start over Smart” Expo last weekend. It was held in Manhattan and had lots of booths set up, which related to dealing with divorce. There were many speakers at the event who were experts in finance, mediation, coaching, sex and relationships, as well as experts offering helpful info for children dealing with divorce. It was truly an inspiring event. It showed that if you’re divorced or heading through one, you’re not alone. The booths were manned by helpful and concerned people. I came across so much good information, which I will be sharing with you.
One of the best and most interesting booths, was the one manned by The Huffington Post. They had a kiosk that took your picuture and recorded your answer to the question, “When did I actually know” that divorce was ineviatable.
People who responded said it was most cathartic. Anyone want to respond here? Would love to hear your answers. I wrote an article for SheKnows about mine. You can read it by clicking here.