What happens when you want to see your ex again romantically and you have children? This is something every divorce couple needs to think about if they want to give it another chance.
I think there is a definite need to make sure that your relationship can work again before you bring up getting back together to the children. There’s no need for a false alarm or to have them get used to mom and dad back together again for it not to work out a second time. It’s not fair to them as well as not fair to yourselves. You will have lots of explaining to do to your children, friends and family that is not necessary. It’s not about being secretive as it is about being more protective of your children’s feelings. This can quickly turn out to be a confusing situation if the relationship ends again. Just like us, children are creatures of habit who work well with routine. If you have been broken up for a while they might even be used it now. To go back to the way it was before, you should be almost 100% sure that this could work a second time. So meet up with your husband for lunch during the day. Or one of you get a babysitter and meet up for a cocktail at night. Take the time for the children and yourselves to make sure this is the right move.
Have you every gotten back with an ex after a divorce?
According to census data twenty five years ago, if you were living with your partner prior to marriage and got married eventually, you had a higher liklihood of getting a divorce than if you moved in together after marriage. Recently, the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention surveyed 22,000 men and women about marriage and divorce,and the results showed that living together nowadays before getting married does NOT increase the possibility of divorce.
Today, about 60 percent of couples live together before they get married. “It’s becoming so common, it’s not surprising it no longer negatively affects marital stability,” said Wendy Manning, co-director of the National Center for Family & Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University in Ohio.
Researchers with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention looked for trends in first marriages. They interviewed men and women up to 44 years old during the years of 2006 to 2010. About 40 percent were married. The study found those who were engaged and living together before the wedding were about as likely to have marriages that lasted 15 years as couples who hadn’t lived together. But what about the couples who were living together but weren’t engaged? The new study found marriage was less likely to survive to the 10- and 15-year mark among couples who weren’t engaged when they lived together – findings similar to earlier research.
In this economy where rents are high and work is not as secure and abundant, I think we will see more and more couples moving in together before they say, “I do.” Some feel that living together before marriage may offer a solid trial run for the couple before they walk down the aisle together. In turn, they can solve the issues before they officially get married or figure out if they can be solved them at all.
The bottom line is that the study showed that living together before getting married did not cause more divorces in the future. That said, do you agree with moving in together before you get married or do you feel that you should move in after the honeymoon?
After you get divorced life goes on. I got this email below from a reader who is looking to move on in more ways than one. Take a look…
First, let me take a moment to tell you how much I enjoy your blog. It’s a part of my morning ritual along with my cup of Earl Grey tea!
Okay, down to the matter at hand. I was hoping you could offer some advice on how to handle a potential promotion at my job. I have been working at the same company for five years and have been divorced for two. I have primary custody of my two children and my husband sees them two weekends out of the month. I was offered an extremely attractive promotion by my company that includes 50% raise in my salary. However, I would have to relocate from Los Angeles to Sacramento. The company will cover the relocation fee and pay for the first six months rent at our new home. My two children are six and eight years old and I feel that they would not mind a move because they would be closer to their grandparents (my parents) who they adore. My ex is two months behind on child support and he didn’t show to pick up the children last weekend. It’s clear that I can’t count on him anymore. Do you think I should take the promotion and relocate?
Thanks for reading my blog. I deeply appreciate your continued support. I wanted to also say congrats on your promotion. It’s great to see that hard work pays off. I think you should take this promotion opportunity seriously. I also think you should consider the fact that your husband is two months behind on the child support seriously too. He could continue to not pay, or maybe he will pay. But either way, it surely looks inconsistent. You can’t just take the children and leave, so this is something you need to come to an agreement about. I would contact your divorce attorney and see what the possibilities are. You company believes in your so it’s important to not let them down. I suggest getting on this in speedy fashion and try to make this move happen. It seems like it might just be a positive move for not only you, but the children as well.
Good luck and please let me know how it works out!
Today is officially the first day of spring. Many of us are probably happy that the weather feels spring-like in many areas of the country as well.
Spring represents a new start for nature and you. I just wrote an article for MORE Magazine about how spring can be sprung for divorcee’s. It’s a great time to begin doing all of the things you have been wanting to. The time to start is today. Take a look at how you can “spring into action” by clicking here.
Everyone was shocked at the split between Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony. But in the wake of celerbity divorce turmoil, they are handling it extremely well. They both proclaim that that they are are sill parents and the better they handle it between them, the better it will be for the kids. Sure, it’s upsetting to break-up with the father or mother of your children. But it’s clear that Lopez and Anthony are staying strong for their children. “Without going into detail … it’s just really, really sad. And look, we are still going through it, and it’s emotional sometimes and difficult,” said Lopez. ”We’re still friends – and we’re parents. But it’s going to take time. It’s tough. but for the most part, I feel very proud of the way we’re handling it. I really do. We are doing the best we can for the kids.”
Maybe something positive will come out of this unfortunate celebrity divorce. Lopez and Anthony are showing the general public that handling a break-up peacefully will make it easier for all to heal. The title of “husband and wife” might be over between a couple when the divorce is final, but their role as “parents” continues on.
Everybody knows that the cliche honeymoon is always on tap right after you say “I do.” You get your spf sunscreen and hop on a plane with your spouse to Hawaii or Acapulco for some fun in the sun to recoop after the whole wedding production. Yes, the wedding that took you a year to plan and was over inwhat felt like, about ten minutes. Now it’s time to figure out the next phase of your lives as a couple.
Fast forward, five years later and you unfortunately don’t have much in common any longer with your spouse. You spend more time with your girlfriends for a good time and he spends more time with his secretary for a good time. You file for divorce, go through the whole process and a year later come out the other side with a decree and your freedom. What do you do next? You go on a your “divorce honeymoon!”
You had a honeymoon to mark your marriage, so it would only seem fitting to have a divorce honeymoon when it’s over. Pick a place that you have always wanted to go, but haven’t been able to. You can also just get away for the weekend if you want. Get a room at the local beach or the local log cabin depending on the time of year. The bottom line is that you are spending some quality time with the most important person in your life right now – you! A divorce honeymoon is essential when hitting the restart button and getting back into the swing of things. There are plenty of singles cruises around that offer many opportunities with other liberated divorcee’s who stayed strong and didn’t walk the plank.
The key to the divorce honeymoon is that you are getting out there again. It’s a swift kick for a divorcee to start living life with a new outlook (and maybe a new boyfriend)!
Divorce parties are one of the most popular things going right now. Sure someone gets divorced in the process, but why not have a touch of fun and humor when it’s all overwith! This is a FABULOUS way to just let go of all of the stress and tension and kick off the start to your new life.
A great added joy (besides you getting rid of your ex) for all of the guests at your divorce party is the divorce party favor. This is chance where you can get really creative and have a few laughs with your friends by your side. I have been looking around at party favors and while the Absolute Vodka is absolutely essential for those tasty cosmos, there are some other goodies that can certainly help set the tone in a humorous way. The party favor above “Happy Trails: Dirty Bastard Lip Balm” is great for a couple of reasons. First, your friends are going to laugh . Second, you can keep your lips nice and moist to kiss that new special someone in your new life. So rub some on, pucker up and say goodbye to your old life and a big hello to your new one. No kissing and making up with your ex. Kiss him off! Pucker up and prepare to move ahead!!
For more info click here.
It seems that more and more baby boomers are heading into old age divorced. The New York Times had a very interesting article about the rise of divorce among adults 46 through 64. When you’re older, daily life can be more difficult alone as the article sheds light on.
Susan L. Brown, co-director of the National Center for Family and Marriage Research at Bowling Green State, said the trend would transform the lives of many older people.
The elderly, who have traditionally relied on spouses for their care, will increasingly struggle to fend for themselves. And federal and local governments will have to shoulder much of the cost of their care. Unmarried baby boomers are five times more likely to live in poverty than their married counterparts, statistics show. They are also three times as likely to receive food stamps, public assistance or disability payments.
The article also includes statistics about the divorce rates amongst baby boomers, which sheds light on how real this divorce boom is.
Over the past 20 years, the divorce rate among baby boomers has surged by more than 50 percent, even as divorce rates over all have stabilized nationally. At the same time, more adults are remaining single. The shift is changing the traditional portrait of older Americans: About a third of adults ages 46 through 64 were divorced, separated or had never been married in 2010, compared with 13 percent in 1970, according to an analysis of recently released census data conducted by demographers at Bowling Green State University, in Ohio.
To read the entire article click here.