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Divorce Day Holiday Challenge #1

Category : Holidays

Over this month, I am going to give new divorcees some holiday challenges that they should consider. These will not only get you re-acqainted to single life, but they will bring you some holiday cheer.

Your Divorce Day Holiday Challenge #1: Accept All Invitations.

A friend of mine whose divorce was just finalized in October reached out to me on Thanksgiving. It was great to hear from her, but she seemed a bit down because it was the first holiday of this season since her divorce. She said she felt a bit alone. I told her that this is understandable after a break-up, especially since she was married for 18 years. She also said she just got invited to a tree lighting party next week at a friends apartment in her Upper West Side neighborhood of Manhattan. She said she didn’t feel like going. I encouraged her to RSVP for that invite and all of the ones that will be coming her way this holiday season.

If you are recently divorced, the holidays are a difficult time as no one wants to be alone. However, as I told my friend, she is not alone. In fact, she already got invited to a party and it’s not even December yet! She has lots of great friends and they can’t want to see her.  By the way, so do you!

I encourage you to accept all invitations that come your way this holiday season. That special someone is not going to crawl in your window or our of your chimney. So accepting all party invites is the first challenge and possibly the most important to kick off the holiday season. I don’t care if there are two parties you’re invited to in one night…go to both! A couple of hours here, a couple of hours there and those friendly smiling faces is what you will get you through this holiday season.

Post-Divorce Grocery Shopping Tips

Category : Budget

If you are newly divorced, you may find it difficult to stay on a budget. No matter what your divorce settlement may have been, it’s important to watch what’s going in and out of your bank account. One of the places that we go to often and can lose track of what we spend is the grocery store. Food is obviously a necessity, but we can all consider cost-effective shopping approaches.

Below are some tips that may help you to save some money on your next trip to the grovery store.  

*Go to a grocery store that you can walk to. Not only is it healthy, but you will buy less.

*Make a list before you go so your shopping is specific.

*Buy for the week and not the month. Sure you may go more often, but you are bound to eat all that you buy that way and not waste anything.

*Many of the prepared food stations and bakery offer their items at the end of the day for half price. Be sure to stop through there and pick up the things you like.

*If dairy products are on sale look at the dates. For instance if you favorite yogurt is offered for 10 for $6.00 you will probably want to grab ten. But if the sell by date is five days away you may want to reconsider that many because you may throw them out.

*Try not to buy paper towel and use dish rags instead. In the long run you will save money. As for toilet paper, there is no short-cut.

*Look for in-store coupon displays and the dispensers down the aisles.

*Don’t buy bathroom items such as toothpaste, shampoo, body wash etc. They are must cheaper at your local drug store.

*Double-check your receipts. Cashiers sometimes scan twice or use a code on produce that isn’t accurate.

What are some of your tips? Please comment and let us know!

Inner Voice

Category : Healing, Moving On, Uncategorized

When we are going through a divorce, we turn to others for advice. Through our daily travels we ask the butcher, baker and candlestick maker (hair stylist, esthetician and personal trainer), their advice about us moving on. It’s like each one of them are a captive audience to vent our frustrations.

If you are thinking about getting a divorce, you can be clouded by indecision when you are trying to come to a final decision. If you have children with your spouse it can definitely add to difficulty. While we turn to others for advice, many times we have the answers to some of these important questions and issues ourselves.

We all have an inner voice.  Your inner voice is that girlfriend or best buddy in our heads that talks to us.  Not voices talking to you.  (That’s a whole different problem.)  This is that sensible side of us that let’s off a red light when something feels wrong and a green light when it feels right.  The inner voice and our gut are connected. They both get that sixth sense.  However, sometimes it is hard to hear our own inner voice.  It’s not so much from noise as it is from the distractions that life presents us, especially during the time of a divorce. If something is bothering you and you’re trying to find some answers, take a moment alone to listen to your inner voice.  Head out for a long walk.  Take a drive to the beach. Sit under a tree in the park. It’s these times alone that let us decompress and gather our thoughts when some of the most important issues get resolved. And your inner voice will start talking and you will be able to listen.

Thanksgiving Dinner

Category : Health, Holidays

If you have been divorced recently,  there are many things to be thankful for this Thanksgiving. Most importantly, you had the strength to move on, so be thankful for that and your new life ahead!

You will probably get invites from friends and family for the holiday. Since your break-up, you may have been on an excercise routine to get that post-divorce body back. This is just the beginning of the holiday season, so it can get difficult from here onward. Lots of parties and events withgreat food and drink. I am not saying to not eat and enjoy. But moderation is key. Below are some foods that you should try to stick to on the Thanksgiving table for the most health benefits.

*Turkey is filled with protein so it’s a good item to go after if you’re not a vegetarian. Go with the white meat. It has less calories and more proteins than dark meat. Stay away from the stuffing though.

*Much better to go with the cranberry sauce than the gravy on your turkey. Cranberries are high in anti-oxidants, fiber and vitamin C.

*Yams are a fabulous source of fiber. They are also a solid source of vitamins C, B1 and B6.

*Stick to the green veges like broccoli and green beans. Also, cauliflower is very healthy. Stay away from cooked carrots as they are high in sugar.

*For desert, try to stick to fresh fruit. I don’t mean the fresh fruit encased in a pie crust with whip cream on top. Try to have some willpower at the end of your dinner.

If you want to not succumb to all of the goodies and make it through the appetizers of delicious cheese, it’s always helpful to drink a protein shake right before you go to the Thanksgiving event. This will curb your appetite a bit and hold you off until the main course. Here is a berry whey protein shake recipe below.

Ingredients:

8 oz. almond milk (or, rice milk)

½ cup fresh or frozen organic blueberries

1 scoop Jay Robb vanilla whey protein powder

2 T. organic ground flax seeds

½ tsp. ground cinnamon

Directions:

Mix in a blender with a few ice cubes if desired.

Nutrition:

257 calories, 8 g. total fat, 4 g. saturated fat, 1 g. monounsaturated fat, 3 g polyunsaturated fat, 13 mg. cholesterol, 340 mg. sodium, 19 g. carbohydrate, 6 g. fiber, 6 g. sugar, 29 g. protein, 600 IU vitamin A, 11 mg. vitamin C, 100 IU vitamin D, 16 IU vitamin E, 33 mcg. folate, 254 mg. calcium, 60 mg. magnesium, 4 mg manganese, 1.3 mg iron, 100 mg. phosphorus, 731 mg. potassium.

Fear Of Being Alone

Category : Happiness

Girl Bed Alone Thoughts

How do you know when you are staying in a relationship because you are afraid to leave and/or fear being alone?

I often see people in long-term relationships – including marriages – that are just not happy nor have they been for ages. It’s as if they have given up on life and just accepted being unhappy as their fate. People often stay together even though their needs are not being met. Maybe they think things will change. Maybe they think they won’t find anyone better. Or, maybe they are afraid to leave. I wonder if they are afraid that they will be alone forever. I fear they would rather settle, than allow themselves to be the person that they really could be, if they give themselves a chance.

If you have been in a relationship for a long time, it can be daunting and scary to get the courage to  leave and then be alone. While it’s an adjustment at first, you will get used to it in time. If you were married for many years, divorce is really difficult. But marriage is not a jail sentence. You don’t have to stay in it if you are miserable. Often you see married couples that have absolutely no interest in each other. They never spend alone time together, and if they have to, they don’t enjoy it.  They don’t really seem to like each other, and probably haven’t for a long time

Many people even live together for many  years, they keep saying they are going to get married, but never do.  They change wedding dates more often than the weather, continually postponing the event.  Are they not really sure of the person they are living with?  Do they fear being alone?  Do they fear they will never find anyone else? Or, are they biding time hoping that their soulmate will still come along?

While breakup and/or divorce is never easy, isn’t it easier than being in an unsatisfying relationship?  How long do you give a relationship before you finalize it or move on?  How long do you give an unhappy marriage before you divorce or move on?

Making It Work

Category : Celebrity, Favorite Articles

While most of the weekly magazines are hot to cover the latest break-ups, I found a really great article in this weeks issue of Us Weekly about making it work. In a three-page spread entitled “Love Lives,” the magazine delves into what makes some of Hollywood’s relationships stay strong and fresh. Here is a look into some of the reasons why some of Hollywood’s relationships keep going:

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban: It seems that the location of their relationship is the perfect setting for love. They stay in his hometown of Nashville and feel “serene in the South.”

Michael J. Fox and Tracy Pollan: They have been together for 23 years and they jet to the city of love to keep their relationship strong. According to Us Weekly Pollan said, “He was like, ‘Let’s go have dinner in Paris on our anniversary. It was spontaneous and very special. He’s always really sweet.”

Tina Fey and Jeff Richmond: They are there to support each other with their children. According to Us Weekly, when Fey went to the Emmys in LA Richmond stayed behind to watch their two children.

For more celeb stories about how their relationships work, pick up the current November 28th issue of Us Weekly on stands now.

The Things People Say (And Shouldn’t)

Category : Break-Up, Friends, Friends and Divorce, Lessons

A reader sent me a really funny article.  I was so happy that she shared it with me and I wanted to share it with you! It’s about the 10 things that you should NEVER ever say to a divorcee. We all want to be a friend to a friend in need, but sometimes people say things they really shouldn’t. This article was posted on the adorable and informative site Cafe Mom.

1. “Didn’t you see this coming from the beginning?” Busted! I glimpsed into the future and saw disaster and ruination but planned an entire life with him anyway because I enjoy a good crushing life-blow. Next time around, a little heads-up?

2. “I always hated [insert scorned spouse’s name here].” Do you mean you always hated the man who I thought I would love forever and said so in front of everyone I knew on the best day of my life? Gee, thanks. (If you chose to procreate with scorned spouse, this statement is 168 times more offensive.)

3. “OMG. Do you think I’ll get divorced, too?” The good news for you is that divorce is not contagious. The bad news is you may get divorced for being so damn insensitive and self-centered.

For the complete list and some more laughs click here.

Out With The Old

Category : Break-Up, Engagement Rings, Gifts, Moving On

What do you do with that jewelry your ex gave you back in the day?  The necklace he surprised you with when he was courting you before you both landed in divorce court…that ring you got from him on Valentine’s Day before he broke your heart. When you go into your jewelry collection to find something to wear for a night out on the town, seeing them is probably a reminder of a relationship that you’d like to forget. It does seem a little awkward and sort of depressing to go to a pawn shop.  Or walking into the store of your local trusted jeweler might hit a little too close to home. Well, the website Exboyfriendjewelry.com seems to possibly be the answer.  It’s like the ebay for exes who want to part ways with the momentos that mean nothing anymore. You can put up the jewelry that you want to sell from your ex with no hassle or stress. Here’s a description from their website:

Welcome to EXBOYFRIENDJEWELRY.COM – a site where you can buy/sell/trade and blog about all of those little painful reminders in your jewelry box that make you wonder “what did I ever see in him?”  You set your own price.  You get it off your chest and out of your sight.  Just because you don’t want it, doesn’t mean somebody else isn’t dying for it.  Everyone’s a winner!   Maybe you love him, maybe you never want to speak to him again, but either way, you’re ready to move on and make a little rent money in the process (insert “wink” icon here).   Here’s the story, you don’t want it and he can’t have it back (insert another “wink” icon here, and then stop winking, seriously).

So log on today and see what Exboyfriendjewelry.com  is all about for yourself.  There’s nothing like letting go of the past (and making a little dough while you’re at it)!


Find Out More With MORE Magazine

Category : Favorite Articles, Friends and Divorce, Healing, MORE Magazine, Moving On

Talking about your divorce with friends and family is important, but when does it become too much for everyone around you?!  I have written an online article for MORE Magazine about Divorce TMI. Please read it by clicking here.

Before I started writing about divorce for MORE, I was a loyal reader of their magazine and online site. So many fabulous, informative and helpful articles! Make sure you bookmark their site More.com and follow them on Twitter for the latest updates @MoreMag. This month the beautiful and inspiring actress  Mariska Hargitay graces their cover (pictured above). It’s available at newsstands now!

Host A Ladies Night

Category : Friends and Divorce, Home, Ladies Night, Laughter

Single girls.  Married girls. Come one. Come all! There’s nothing like letting off some steam with the ladies and hosting an at-home ladies night once every two weeks. This is sure to keep the spirits running high and the laughter abound after a divorce!

Historically, the fellas have been doing this for what seems like forever.  Whether it’s smoking some stogies on poker nights or fantasy football draft, the boys like to get together often.  The ladies need to take the lead on this too and make a night that’s all about the girls!  You can have a movie night with the ladies.  Or, a find a TV show that you and your friends love and have a night that revolves around that. If you rather chat the night away and add some girly pizazz, host at-home mani-pedi’s with someone from your local salon coming over and offering everyone a fab polish.  You could even have a wine tasting at the house with all the girls.

You may even feel like you are back in junior high and hosting a sleep over.  Trust me, you need this! Laughter heals all and this is the kind of fun you should be having after a divorce. So start texting, calling and organizing an evening to remember!