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Staying For The Sake Of Staying

Category : Moving On

Ever since I began my career as a social worker and continued to work with divorcees, I have seen far too many people who stay in relationships for all the wrong reasons. Many stay for the sake of staying, which is never a healthy thing.  Even with 50% of marriages ending in divorce, I still think there are couples staying together instead of leaving.  Many times, staying is influenced by a couples cultural and generational background. 

If you are staying for the wrong reasons, you might want to rethink the reasons why. If you think you may be staying in an unhealthy relationship but don’t know the reasons why, take a  look at the list below and see if it relates to you:

*Children are a major reason married couples stay together.  While it is certainly a good reason, you also need to consider that your children want you both to be happy and if leaving would make your lives better your kids might be even happier in the end as well.

*Fear can keep a person in the wrong relationship. While you may be scared of the unknown and what unexpected things life can bring, you need to consider taking that leap.

*One of the reasons many stay is because of low self esteem. They actually feel like they deserve to be mistreated. Since they don’t like themselves they search out people who will treat them the same.  Know your worth!

*Many people also have a hard time being alone. They settle for having a body next to them,even if it clearly isn’t the right one.

*These days with the current economy, financial issues can keep two people together.  Not the right time to see the home. A bad time to look for a job.

*Guilt can play its hand too.  A husband or wife may feel guilty because their partner says they need them.  If you take off in your partners time of need, the guilt can mount.  But many times its more of the partner making you feel that way than the reality of the situation.   

*The feeling of failure is often a reason why people stay.  If you have spent 10 years with your partner and you leave, then you feel like you failed and wasted all of that time.

Time to live YOUR life.  Do what feels right and live by your decisions.

Olivia Wilde Opens Up About Divorce

Category : Celebrity, Divorce Diet

Actress Olivia Wilde is in the new issue of Allure talking divorce.  She married at just 18 years old and ended her marriage after nine years, “I got married at a very young age,” she explains, “so I sort of jumped into a stage of adulthood prematurely.  I learned quite a lot.”  While she gained knowledge over that time, she also reveals that she gained some weight.  “I gained a lot of weight after my divorce,” Wilde says in the October 2011 issue of Allure.  “And there was this sense of, ‘Wait, hold on. You don’t look like you did before. Are you going to be up for the same roles?’

Wilde stays fit by doing karate, yoga, running and spinning, and the media has taken notice. She was recently voted one of the Best Summer Bodies of 2011. So after you eat the divorce cake, curb the sweets and stick to healthy fruits and vegetables.  There is no more need for cookie dough ice cream. If you’re not up for karate like Olivia, you can take long walks which are great for the bod and the mind. Before long you will be married to your new workout as it’s one of the best ways to stay focused after a divorce.

Hollywood Prenups

Category : Celebrity, Favorite Articles, Pre-Nup, Uncategorized

It seems that as the divorce rate rises that prenups are on the rise as well.  But are the demands by the future spouses rising too?  Many people often wonder what kind of agreements celebrities make to protect their fortune and children.  High child support? Penalties for cheating? Extravagant shopping budget?  If these prenups are made with Hollywood couples, you can probably expect something over-the-top.

Protecting your assets and image seems to be the order of the day in the entertainment business.  In my quest to find the most outrageous prenups, I came across an interesting article by the Foresight Legal Group filled with interesting celeb demands if the marriage goes south.  Below are some of those with two couples you have probably heard of:

Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom

Should Khloe and Lamar divorce, their prenup states that Khloe will receive $500,000 for each year they’re married, $25,000 a month in spousal support, their house, a new car at the end of every lease cycle, $5,000 a month for shopping, $1,000 a month for beauty care, and season courtside Lakers tickets for her whole family.  Because if she’s no longer married to Lamar, there’s another Lakers player she might be interested in…

Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones

Catherine and Michael’s prenup contains a very popular — especially among the celebrity set — ‘cheating clause.’ Should Michael ever be caught cheating, he owes Catherine $5 million.  And $2.8 million for each year they were married.

For more celeb prenup fun click here.

 

 

Sayonara To Your Marriage

Category : Global Divorce, Uncategorized

I have spent lots of time in Japan and enjoy the country very much, especially the food.  A new custom with divorce has arisen that has certainly peaked my interest. 

It seems that the Japanese have entered the divorce party game.  There is a special divorce planner who will create a ceremony for not just you, but your ex-spouse.  Yes, you will be having the divorce party together.  The Japanese are known to be more polite than were are, so maybe this is a more timid affair. 

The New York Times has written an interesting article covering it all entitled, “Untying the Knot In Japan.”  They detail one party, “held in what Terai [divorce party planner] calls his House of Divorce: an abandoned old residence with no power, no plumbing and peeling paint. “It’s a building which represents a husband and wife’s relationship — about to collapse.”  I don’t know about you, but I am more partial to a suite at the Beverly Hills Hotel and a cosmo, but to each is own.  Next up, the ceremonial ring smashing.   ”Terai brought out a large hammer with a head shaped like a frog and placed Atsuko’s wedding ring on a table. He instructed them to hold the hammer together and pound down on the band at the count of three. The first blow knocked the ring onto the ground, where Terai scoured the cement floor with the aid of a tea candle. The second attempt was a success, squashing the ring into an oblong shape. Terai showed it to Atsuko’s friend, who nodded her satisfaction.”  What, they don’t have pawn shops in Japan?  I have to say that they have an interesting way of doing divorce in Japan.

Check In/Check Outta Your Marriage

Category : Divorce Day, Ex-Spouse, Global Divorce, Travel

In Holland it seems that divorce can be accomplished in 3 days (with a free continental breakfast included).  Afternoons consist of lounging by the pool with your divorce attorney, accountant, and soon-to-be ex-spouse. Can you pass the SPF 30 and the papers to sign?

Seriously, there is a hotel in Holland that actually offers couples the opportunity to check in for the weekend as husband and wife and check out as, well, not.  It’s aptly called The Divorce Hotel and they offer couples an opportunity to get a quickie divorce just like you would get a quickie marriage in Las Vegas.  The cost is about $3,500, which seems like a good price (a divorce can go on for months and cost upwards of high double digits, if not more).

“It’s a divorce in three days, roundabouts, in a hotel,” said Jim Halfens, who runs the company.

Couples thinking about going through the Divorce Hotel process have to start with a set of extensive interviews. If they decide they can settle their differences quickly, with a mediator instead of lawyers, then they choose a four or five star hotel. Over three days, the mediator and other specialists – notaries, even psychologists – are on hand to help the couple.

“If the marriage can be saved, we always tell people they are at the wrong address at the divorce hotel,” said Marie-Louise Van As, a lawyer who works as a mediator at the Divorce Hotel.

She notes that during the three-day stay there are checklists and homework that the couples have to do ahead of time.  But, at the end, you can check your spouse off the list!

For more information click here.

Quote of the Day

Category : Quote Of The Day

“I was hard on myself when I got divorced. And until I got remarried, I don’t think I realized how stressed I was.  I feel so much relief. I don’t think I realized how stressed I was being a single parent. It was really, really stressful. It’s not easy on anybody.” — Reese Witherspoon in the October issue of Marie Claire

Sometimes It’s Just Over

Category : Break-Up, Celebrity, Friends

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are currently living the aftermath of a high-profile celebrity divorce, where after an announcement is made the media digs deeper and deeper to keep the story alive.  However, sometimes a couple both AGREE that it’s time to move on from a marriage.  That’s the story Anthony is keeping to at this time.  He has been accused of cheating and his response, “It was a flight attendant, it was the pilot – I heard it was this guy sitting next to me in a rehab in Houston.  I’ve heard it all.”  While Anthony has seen their divorce story spin in many directions by the press, he is staying with a pretty basic reason for the split — that they both realized it was time to move on.

Anthony doesn’t feel that it’s a big drama and there is no reason to keep going.  “This is not a funeral. This is not a burial,” Anthony said. “This is just two people who came together and just realized. . . I’m saying that it wasn’t sustainable the way it was, and that’s that.  This is “not a funeral” is an inspiring choice of words by Anthony.  True, neither party has died.  They just don’t want to live married to each other any longer.  “People are trying to peg it on things because it was so shocking,” he says of the end of his marriage. “It was like, it must have been something.”

Do you feel that two couples can amicably split when they both realize that it’s just not working any longer?  Can they agree to part as friends, especially if they have children together?  Let me know your thoughts.

Divorce & Kids

Category : Books, Children, Healing

I just read this cute little children’s book about a divorces’ impact on young kids entitled, “Standing on My Own Two Feet: A Child’s Affirmation of Love in the Midst of Divorce.”

Divorce is a difficult time for the parents, but let’s not forget about the children.  They are often in a state of confusion and self blame.  They can feel they should have done more to keep their parents together.  Or, even worse they feel the divorce is their fault.  This book addresses these problems and is delivered in a humorous, healing and straight-forward manner that’s easy for children to understand and relate to.

The book is seen through the eyes of Addison — a regular kid whose parents are going through divorce.  The multi-talented author and illustrator, Tamara Schmitz, delivers lines that children will relate to like, “Just like I have two feet… I have two homes.” The moral here is no matter what happens, Addison’s parents will always love him.  Great drawings.  Fun writing. This will help ease the transition for any child whose parents are divorcing.

For more information click here.

To pick up the book click here.

Put A Divorce Ring On It!

Category : Divorce Ring

“Cuz if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it,” sang Beyonce in the hit song Single Ladies.  Well, the same thing goes when you get divorced.  Just like you put a ring on your finger to start your marriage, you need to put one on to end it… a divorce ring!  When I saw this new “divorce ring” put out by Spritzer and Furman, I immediately thought to myself, Great idea!  And why didn’t this come sooner?!  It makes sooo much sense, right?  You want to show the world that you’re free, the ring takes care of that.  And you want to treat yourself, the ring covers that as well.  Win-win for everyone.  You just need $3,200. That’s the only catch. If you have it go for it.  If you don’t, wear something that symbolizes divorce to you (and I don’t mean waving a white flag).

We were thinking of taking your old wedding ring and making it into something new like a necklace, or even sawing your ring in half and making it into earings. Or you could get a custom t shirt made up saying “Divorced and Loving It!”  What do you suggest wearinging to symbolize that you”re divorced?

If you are interested in the “divorce ring,” here is some more info:

Spritzer and Furman “Divorce Ring”
Signed Spritzer and Furman 18K gold and Diamond ring. Set with 4 full-cut diamonds with center trillon diamond.
Size 6 3/4

Price
$3,200

Specifications
Materials/Techniques: 18K gold and diamonds
Creator: Spritzer and Furman