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A Good Divorce

Category : Ex-Spouse, Remarry

A close friend of mine is going through intense chemo and radiation. She was divorced many years ago and has never remarried. She was staying with one of her children when the treatments first started. However, when her daughter and grandchildren became ill, her doctor suggested that she move somewhere else immediately.

My friend’s ex and his wife invited her to stay with them, and she felt it was a good idea. Even though the divorce was many moons ago, the ex and his wife opened their home and hearts and have been taking care of her. My friend is an incredibly warm and caring person and it looks like her ex-husband married a woman who is equally warm and loving.

How many of you could move in with your ex and their new spouse?

Cosmetic Surgery After Divorce

Category : Break-Up, Moving On

CBS News in New York had a story last week about how many people are having cosmetic surgery after divorce, which is becoming a hot new trend.

Dubbed “revenge cosmetic surgery” by the media, it seems that more and more women are getting a nip and a tuck when they have a breakup. And, yes, it is more women than men. The America Society of Plastic Surgery reported that in America in 2009 approximately 900,000 procedures were performed on men while over 9 million cosmetic procedures were done on women!

I assume the surgery goes along with the philosophy that you want to be as new and fresh on the outside as you feel on the inside. It makes a lot of sense. Get rid of all the things you are unhappy with at the same time: your nose, wrinkles and spouse. What a concept! Even the psychologists interviewed all thought it was a good idea.

Does a little Botox really help cure the breakup blues? What do you think?

Marriage And Divorce In Jordan

Category : Global Divorce, Global Marriage

I just got back from a trip to the Middle East, and it was quite interesting to learn more about marriage and divorce practices there.

I had a conversation with a guide in Amman, Jordan. I asked him about marriage and divorce there (he’s Palistinean, as are many of the people in Jordan) and this is what he said. By the way, it’s extremely complicated, so stay with me. A man — lets call him Mohammed — decides he wants to marry a woman. He has his family elder go to his tribal spokesman for approval. If the tribal spokesman — lets call him Abdula — agrees, then the woman in Mohammed’s family calls the mother of the girl to set up a meeting. Mohammed’s mother and sisters go visit the mother and sisters of the potential bride. Mohammeds family does a selling job on how wonderful Mohammed is, gives his full name, credentials, job expectations, his status in his clan,etc. Then the girls family has 3 days to check out Mohammed. (I am not sure what that entails, but I doubt they Google him). Then Mohammed’s mother calls the girls mother and if the girls mother agrees, Mohammed’s father calls Abdula, and Abdula calls his counterpart in the girls family. A date is set up for all the men to meet. The brides male family sets up a tent, and there the two male part of the families meet. The girls family elder puts a cup of coffee in front of the grooms family elder, Abdula again sells Mohammed to the girls family. If the brides spokesmen agrees to accept Mohammed, he tells Abdula to drink the coffee. Then after some pats on the back and congratulations all around, the two tribal elders work out the dowry. The dowry goes to the bride, 1/3 is for her to buy cloths, and 2/3 is for her to buy gold for her to keep. The man pays the dowry and wedding costs. Furthermore, couples can choose their own partners, and go through all the steps above. B the couple cannot have sex before the wedding. If they do, the woman can be killed by her family and the man sent to jail.

Now ,what about divorce? Of course, after all that one would be too exhausted to even think of divorce, but there is always the chance. Well, a man can have 4 wives, so not sure why he would want to divorce any one, but all he has to do is say “you are divorced” 3 times and it is over! The wife then goes to court and tells the court what happened. She keeps the gold from the dowry , and the court may award her the dowry amount again and then more if warranted. If the woman wants the divorce, she goes to court and petitions for it. If she just wants to get rid of him, she gets no additional money. However, if she can prove cruelty or cause the man will pay more.

It sounds terribly confusing and convoluted, but there you have the story I got of marriage and divorce in Jordan. What do you think?

Divorce Dollars

Category : Favorite Articles

When someone is going through a divorce they usually cut back on expenses immediately. Things go out the window like going to restaurants, taking vacations, spa visits, buying shoes, etc. (Okay, maybe not the shoes.) Anyway, the best place to save money might just be with the divorce, itself. Egos and emotions get in the way and before you know it a legal bill gets run up that is sure to surprise you. People are staying in marriages these days because it’s too expensive to have a divorce. If you intend on selling your house in this market, there’s a good chance you will lose money on your investment. So what do you do? How do you handle it?

The Los Angeles Times wrote a recent article entitled “Cutting the Cost of Divorce” that shows you ways to get less emotional and get more businesslike, so you can save money on your divorce. Here are some highlights from the article:

“The cost of litigating the heck out of a case doesn’t benefit either person. It destroys the family financially, and that doesn’t even consider the emotional toll,” said Mark Baer, a family law attorney in Pasadena”By the time you pay the legal fees, you’re going to spend more than the amount you were fighting over.”

“Couples let their emotions take control and they spend it all on attorneys,” Baer said. “They’re now worse off financially than if they’d never been married — just because they refused to act like mature adults.”

“Half. You get half of the assets accumulated during marriage,” said Diana Mercer, coauthor of “Making Divorce Work: 8 Essential Keys to Resolving Conflict and Rebuilding Your Life.” “I just saved you $400 in attorney’s fees.”

You may want to hire a therapist before you hire an attorney, Mercer suggested. Only about 20% of the issues you will confront in a divorce involve questions of law, she contended. Yet Mercer said she’s had clients run through a $3,000 retainer in 10 days telling her about every little thing that the ex wants or says.

To read the entire article click here.

Quote Of The Day

Category : Quote Of The Day

“I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.” — Zsa Zsa Gabor

Money & Marriage

Category : Favorite Articles, Global Divorce

Divorces are often costly, but in some places around the world right now it’s too expensive to even get married.

In Egypt the rebuilding process will hopefully begin. Many in the country are expressing their frustrations that the salary at their job is so low that they can’t get married. Approximately 40% of Egyptians survive on $2 a day. It’s next to impossible for many men to care for a wife and a family. The statistics are real and staggering.

As more and more information comes to the surface, it’s clear why so many are fighting for a better life. Public Radio International’s program “The World” had an entire segment dedicated to this issue. Here’s some clips from the piece:

When there aren’t massive protests in Cairo, this is a pretty typical scene: a cafe full of men sitting around, smoking water pipes, playing dominoes and doing not much else.

The café is called Casino Shubra. The name’s pretty much a tease here in the low-income neighborhood of Shubra. Though one man sitting alone in the back of the café, nursing a cup of tea, is thinking a lot about his luck.

Tayeb Muhammed is 31 years old, but his sagging face makes him look more like 40. Each day he works 12 hours at a restaurant making kabobs, earns a bit less than $3, and then comes here.

“I don’t have enough money to get married. I always ask myself, why is this happening?” Muhammed said. “Is it because I have been working for ten years and I did it all wrong? Is it because everything is so expensive? Is it the society? I don’t know the answer.”

To listen to the program or read the rest of the article click here.

Oh No Valentine’s Day!

Category : Break-Up, Holidays

Valentine’s Day can be really difficult. However, there’s no need for another St. Valentine’s Day Massacre. Now that you’re divorced, it’s time to look at this holiday and, all future holidays, as a new beginning of celebration. And if want to shoot cupid because he hasn’t shot you with an arrow yet, don’t do it! His arrow is locked and loaded, and it will hit you when it’s the right person at the right time. So hang in there!

It’s time to forget about the broken hearts club. Feel sorry for yourself? I don’t think so. Below are some tips on how to survive this Valentine’s Day.

EX AND THE CITY: Don’t go anywhere you and your ex went on past Valentine’s Day’s. That goes for anything from a restaurant to a coffee shop to a public restroom.

SUGAR-FREE: Do not buy yourself a box of chocolates. Even though it’s in the shape of a heart it doesn’t love you.

THE FAST TRACK: Speed dating parties have become quite popular on Valentine’s Day. While speed dating can be fun, I don’t recommend it on this holiday. Valentine’s Day + Speed Dating = Desperate.

DON’T TAKE A STAND: If you wind up going out drinking with your friends and you meet another single lonely Valentine, don’t go home with them. A “one night stand” is not the ticket to feeling better. You will not love yourself in the morning.

DON’T BE MINE: If you end up having too many drinks on Valentine’s Day, do not drunk text or dial your ex. I repeat DO NOT drunk text or dial your ex. It’s over and no contact is key for you both to heal. Instead of little heart candies that say “Be Mine,” you need to think “Don’t Be Mine.” You can make it through this holiday. I believe in you! And once you make it through Valentine’s Day you’re one step closer to moving on!

Shop For A New Coffee Shop

Category : Ex-Spouse, Healing

A friend of mine for years was going with her ex-husband every Sunday morning to the same coffee shop. They’d sip on lattes, share sections of The New York Times and relax together. After they got divorced, my friend wasn’t sure if she should go back there or not. Not only did she feel weird about going to that coffee shop, but she wasn’t sure if her ex still was going there.

She asked me what I thought she should do. I immediately told her that she needed to Google coffee shops in her area because it’s time to find a new one. Then, she said she really liked the coffee there. “I don’t give a crap-puccino if you like their Frappuccino. Get out now!” I exclaimed.

Sunday’s are a day to chill and regroup before a hectic week ahead. It’s important to have a clear mind and go to places with positive vibes. In recovery, they say you need to change your “people, places and things.” I think the same goes after a divorce. If you’re having a hard time getting over a difficult breakup, it’s important to surround yourself by new things. Going to the same places you went to with your ex is a big no-no. It reminds you of time spent together there, so nothing good can come out of that. Shop for a new coffee shop and make some new weekend traditions. And who knows, maybe there will be a cute barista working there!

Love On The Other Side Of The World

Category : Books

A few years ago, my husband and I were traveling in Petra, Jordan. It is truly one of the most awesome places in the world.

Friends often ask me what it was like. I always say check out Raiders of the Lost Ark, so much of the movie was filmed there. To enter the ancient city, we were guided through a pass in a mountain and there right in front of us was the most breathtaking building called the Treasury, totally carved out of pink rock. To see what I mean click here.

Anyhoo, during my trip I learned about a woman named Marguerite van Geldermalsen. She was from New Zealand and traveled with a friend to Petra. She met and fell in love with a Bedouin named Mohammad, who was part of the local community. They married and raised a son together in Petra.

Could you imagine giving it all up to live in a cave on the other side of the world? No washer, dryer or a garbage disposal. Not to mention, no running water or electricity. How did she do it?! According to the book, it was for quite some time, too. They stayed happily married until he died.

Does this show that the environment you live in isn’t as important as the true love that you and your spouse have for each other? I have to say that I don’t know if I could do this. I might have to ask Mohammad to move to the US with me. Hey, soon he’ll too have his favorite drink at Starbucks.

To pick up the book click here.

Divorce + Hollywood = Drama

Category : Break-Up, Celebrity

I don’t get into too much of the Hollywood hoopla of who is hooking up with who, but these days it seems everywhere you turn a Hollywood divorce is playing out in the tabloids. The latest that’s certainly causing a stir is between Kelsey and Camille Grammer. The former Frasier star and the current star of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is shaping up to be a pretty messy one.

The New York Daily News recently did an article about the top nastiest divorces in celebrity history. They had everyone on their list from royalty (Prince Charles and Princess Diana) to rock royalty (Mick Jagger and Jerry Hall) to reality (Jon and Kate Gosslin) and TV stars (Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards). Who could forget Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid? How about Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin? Getting divorced is tough enough. I can’t imagine the whole world following every step of your breakup in the tabloids, especially if you have children. What do you think is the most prolific and shocking divorce in Hollywood history?

Here is a closer look from the NY Daily News:

Hollywood is notorious for its short-lived and highly-publicized hookups and breakups. Especially when it comes to divorce, nothing’s more brutal than an all-out Tinseltown brawl. Take a look at some of the dirtiest drag ‘em out divorce battles EVER. For the entire article click here.