I threw a divorce party recently for a client and there was lots of humor and healing! One of the reasons my divorce parties are unique from others is because of the rituals that my divorcees perform during each event. Not only do they bring structure to the party, but each ritual performed gives way to more and more healing for the divorcee — the notion of moving on! I am always amazed at how much other guests, who are divorced but didn’t have a divorce party, healed and had closure after being at a friends divorce party.
One of the rituals that is always a hit is Fly Fly Away. Here are the steps:
Step 1) On small pieces of paper, the divorcee should write all of the things she disliked about her ex.
Step 2) On small pieces of paper the guests should write down all of the wonderful things that they want for the divorcee’s new life.
Step 3) Everybody should roll up the little pieces of paper and put them into the balloons.
Step 4) Blow up the balloons and tie a string around each one.
Step 5) The divorcee should go outside with everyone at the party and let the balloons go into the sky.
Hi all, happy New Year! If you haven’t had a chance to watch my video for AOL’s “You’ve Got” series please do. It will help people going through a divorce. You can watch it by clicking here. Please pass it along. Thanks!
The weekend is here and I was just thinking about going to the movies. It’s such a great suspension of reality. Maybe it’s because I grew up in LA, but when I get really stressed or sad, I immediately want to go to the movies. One time, a doctor thought I had some nasty disease. They took blood tests and, of course, I had to wait until the next day to find out the results. I was talking to my daughter and she said, “Mom, turn off your computer, come on over and let’s go to the movies.” Thank God for the movies! I realized that going to the movies is almost like taking a deep breath. Maybe even meditating! Anything that you can do to give yourself a chance to absorb what is going on and get prepared to handle things is a great outlet.
When you are going through a divorce, there are so many moments when you just need to step back and regroup while you get prepared to move forward. My suggestion…if you can find the time go to the movies. Pick something light and enjoy. Those two hours of suspension of reality can help you start again with a clear head.
For more ideas on how to suspend reality during a divorce and my list of must-see divorce movies, check out my new book The Divorce Ritual.
When we are going through a divorce, we turn to others for advice. Through our daily travels we ask the butcher, baker and candlestick maker (hair stylist, esthetician and personal trainer), their advice about us moving on. It’s like each one of them are a captive audience to vent our frustrations.
If you are thinking about getting a divorce, you can be clouded by indecision when you are trying to come to a final decision. If you have children with your spouse it can definitely add to difficulty. While we turn to others for advice, many times we have the answers to some of these important questions and issues ourselves.
We all have an inner voice. Your inner voice is that girlfriend or best buddy in our heads that talks to us. Not voices talking to you. (That’s a whole different problem.) This is that sensible side of us that let’s off a red light when something feels wrong and a green light when it feels right. The inner voice and our gut are connected. They both get that sixth sense. However, sometimes it is hard to hear our own inner voice. It’s not so much from noise as it is from the distractions that life presents us, especially during the time of a divorce. If something is bothering you and you’re trying to find some answers, take a moment alone to listen to your inner voice. Head out for a long walk. Take a drive to the beach. Sit under a tree in the park. It’s these times alone that let us decompress and gather our thoughts when some of the most important issues get resolved. And your inner voice will start talking and you will be able to listen.
Talking about your divorce with friends and family is important, but when does it become too much for everyone around you?! I have written an online article for MORE Magazine about Divorce TMI. Please read it by clicking here.
Before I started writing about divorce for MORE, I was a loyal reader of their magazine and online site. So many fabulous, informative and helpful articles! Make sure you bookmark their site More.com and follow them on Twitter for the latest updates @MoreMag. This month the beautiful and inspiring actress Mariska Hargitay graces their cover (pictured above). It’s available at newsstands now!
Remember when you were back in your teen years and fell in love for the first time. All you wanted to do with your free time was spend it with your boyfriend. It didn’t matter if you were just sitting next to each other on his parents couch watching a movie or walking in the local park holding hands, even the uneventful things were an event.
As we get older, our expectations certainly rise for what we consider a good time or a memorable date in general. We expect much more out of a partner and often become entertainment directors ourselves in the process. However, let’s not forget about the simple things you can share as a couple in life. If you begin dating again after a divorce and find yourself falling for someone, I ask you to remember to go back to the simple enjoyments once in a while. Sure you can go to that new hot five star restaurant. A trip to Punta Cana is certainly memorable as well. But don’t forget a trip together to the local beach filled with kids and sand castles. Go to the supermarket together and cook a meal at home. Or, have a picnic in the park and enjoy the fall foliage or a spring breeze as a couple.
Living life to the fullest after a divorce is filling it with great people and simple pleasures that you can enjoy together.
I just read this cute little children’s book about a divorces’ impact on young kids entitled, “Standing on My Own Two Feet: A Child’s Affirmation of Love in the Midst of Divorce.”
Divorce is a difficult time for the parents, but let’s not forget about the children. They are often in a state of confusion and self blame. They can feel they should have done more to keep their parents together. Or, even worse they feel the divorce is their fault. This book addresses these problems and is delivered in a humorous, healing and straight-forward manner that’s easy for children to understand and relate to.
The book is seen through the eyes of Addison — a regular kid whose parents are going through divorce. The multi-talented author and illustrator, Tamara Schmitz, delivers lines that children will relate to like, “Just like I have two feet… I have two homes.” The moral here is no matter what happens, Addison’s parents will always love him. Great drawings. Fun writing. This will help ease the transition for any child whose parents are divorcing.
For more information click here.
To pick up the book click here.
Category : Beauty, Healing
Once you say goodbye to your marriage, it might also be time to say goodbye to your old hairstyle. Something new and a relaxing afternoon of some pampering at your favorite salon will certainly help cure the breakup blues.
If you are looking to get a “divorce day cut,” now is the perfect time. Summer is going to be over in a few weeks and Fall will be upon us. Heading into a new season with a new style is always good timing for any daring cut. One divorce cut that is has made a comeback and seems here to stay is the bob. Now, if you divorced a guy named Bob and it hits too close to home then I understand if you pass on it. But for the rest of you, it is a classic yet trendy style to go for!
Is a bob cut good for you? It shows off your jaw line and neck, so take that into consideration. You can go longer or shorter with it depending on your features and what look you want to go for. Here’s a few options below.
Whatever hairstyle you decide to choose, just treat yourself to a new divorce day cut! You deserve it.
Jennifer Aniston’s Shoulder Length Bob
Ellen Barkin’s Short Bob
Keira Knightley’s Messy Bob
Once your divorce is final, you get into your bed and now it’s half empty. You look in the closet and it’s half empty. The medicine cabinet is also half empty. Your exes faves are not in the fridge, leaving lots more room. What do you do with all that empty space? It could be a real sad or a real happy moment…actually sort of bitter sweet.
How do you fill up all of this space that you feel is empty, so your house feels fully lived-in by you. First, the closet is sooo easy. Spread your clothes out a bit and you may have to twist your own arm to buy a few more shoes to fill up the floor. The fridge is also super easy. Stock it up with all of your favorite goodies and healthy things that will help you achieve that post divorce bod! How do you handle filling up space in your the bed? Brad Pitt would be good for starters! Seriously, you can add some more pillows (like the one above!). Or, some stuffed animals and a good book you’re reading before bed a good night’s sleep.
Space is a good thing because you’re making room for the right thing to occupy it. Hopefully, one day, that space in your bed will be filled up with a new love that will be forever.
Category : Healing, Health
A divorce is one of the most stressful things a person can go through in their life. Studies have shown that whenever you get stressed or upset, you actually release certain chemicals that are toxins into your own body.
It’s essential to keep your stress levels down during the divorce. Remember, it’s going to be what it’s going to be, so no need to continually upset yourself. You have to let go of the divorce as much as you can. Below, I have some relaxing things to do that will not only help you stay zen, but also sane.
*Going for a thirty minute walk can do wonders. It will not only help with stress, but it will also clear your mind.
*Sign up for a yoga class. Not only will you be taking care of your body and keeping your muscles loose and limber, but you may even meet some new and interesting people who care about health and feeling good. There are many free classes offered, just look online in your area.
*Closing your eyes and meditating can really help get you centered. Just take twenty minutes out of your day and afterwards all that bothered you will magically seem a lot less important.
*A massage is a great way to relieve some pesky stress. If you can’t afford a massage just take a moment to close your eyes and rub your own temples or massage your own ear lobes. A little can go a long way.
*Take 30 minutes out of your day to shut off your phone and TV and do something you enjoy in peace in quiet, whether it be knitting, writing or reading a book.
*There is nothing like a relaxing bubble bath with dim lights and a candle. It’s time to soak your worries away!