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A New Divorce Ritual

Category : Divorce Ritual, Ex-Spouse, The Divorce Ritual

We all spend a lot of time on our cell phones.  Yesterday, while going to my “favorites,” I realized there’s another ritual that is dramatic and quite serious.  This Divorce Ritual is called “Not a ‘Favorite’ Any Longer” and it involves deleting your ex from your list of favorites on your phone. While it only takes you one second to hit the delete button, it can take a long time to finally get to this point.  How many times have you looked at that name and dialed it? As the divorce proceeded, how many times did you look at that name and feel really sad, mad and angry?  Delete it!  Imagine how healing this can be.  You don’t have to open your phone and see your ex’s name.  Obviously, they’re not your “favorite” any longer, so get rid of them and find a new favorite friend to take their place!

New Huffington Post Article

Category : Children, Ex-Spouse, Huffington Post, Seasons

My latest article for the Huffington Post was posted today! It covers how parents need to make sure their children have a fun summer even though they are going through a divorce. Please hit the “like” button and please share the link with anyone you think it may help. Thanks so much!

If you’re going through a divorce, it has nothing to do with your kids enjoying their summer. As parents, you both have to rise above your differences when it comes to the children.

Don’t Let Your Kids Divorce the Summer

Now that school has ended for the summer break, your kids will be around the house much more. So keep a lid on the tension surrounding the divorce even though it may be difficult to do at times. This is important because you want your children to enjoy the carefree atmosphere of summer. Both parents need to keep this in mind. The divorce is tough on kids, but making them live it every day emotionally with you is not fair.

Here are seven ways to make sure your children have a wonderful summer despite the divorce.

To read the rest of the article click here.

Divorce at Your Wedding

Category : Children, Ex-Spouse, Friends and Divorce, Wedding Bands, Wedding Dress

Marriage is one of the most momentous times in someone’s life. However, when the bride or groom has to navigate the event around their divorced parents things can get difficult.

In a recent New York Times article entitled, “Divorce Whisperer: Mediating with Parents Isn’t Easy,” they look into how divorce in a family can really affect the wedding. For example, there’s lots to think about when making a wedding seating chart because some parents just don’t talk after a divorce.  In the Times article, etiquette expert Peggy Post said. “There are all kinds of minefields, from where does everyone sit to the receiving line.  It’s particularly tricky when estranged parents do not want to be in the vicinity of each other.”

Not all weddings have divorce negativity.  One of the most heartwarming stories in the article involved Zinzi Edmundson who getting married this summer and was nervous when she let her biological father know that her stepfather would marry the couple. She said in the article, “In essence, my dad, who does not wear his heart on his sleeve, said that he appreciated that my stepdad had been there for me for all those years. He even offered that they co-walk me down the aisle. I didn’t anticipate that at all and it was such a sweet gesture.”

I would say the moral for of the story for the divorced parents out there is that this marriage is not about you. Put your issues aside and keep the aisle clear! I know it’s easy to say, but the moment you don’t let it bother you shows you have moved on with your own life.  And that is a great wedding gift for your child!

To read the entire article click here.

Living Under the Same Roof Post-Divorce

Category : Children, Ex-Spouse, Favorite Articles, Huffington Post

Have you heard of ex-spouses still living together after a divorce? It’s happening often these days. Check out my latest article for The Huffington Post that covers this trend. Here is some of my article below:

With the difficult economy, you hear about more and more couples who get divorced and find themselves still living under the same roof.  Often, this is due to financial issues and the inability to sell their home (probably their largest single asset) in a bad real estate market.

With few options available, the most obvious one is for two people to live together in the family home as they wait for it to sell.  If you have children, I think this situation must be really difficult to maneuver .  The divorce is confusing enough for kids to understand without compounding the problem by their parents still living together.  If there are no children, it may be easier to take this path for a short while.  Either way, I can’t imagine it being a picnic living with your ex after a divorce. If you are forced to do this for the time being, here are some tips that may help keep the household peaceful.

To read the rest of the article click here.

A Post-Holiday Weekend Email

Category : Ex-Spouse, Holidays

Hope everyone had a wonderful holiday weekend.  I feel that Spring has finally sprung and is in full effect!  I got this email from a reader yesterday that I wanted to share with you as well as my response.

 Dear Lois,

Just had an interesting holiday weekend that I wanted to share with you. I have been divorced for eight years and have been dating the same woman exclusively for almost a year. My ex-wife and I have become friends since our divorce. This is nothing that I expected to happen. But we have a son together and we enjoy each others company as friends and parents.  She is remarried and had invited me to her home in Northern California for the Easter weekend. I invited my girlfriend and it proved to be a mistake. While she was cordial in front of my wife, she read me the riot act for the entire three hour drive home. She said she thinks it’s weird that my ex  are friends and so close after our divorce. Even though my ex is remarried, my girlfriend thinks we might end up back together again. She said she will not go with me to any more events that my ex will be present at as she does not condone the closeless that we have. Granted I am eighteen years older than my girlfriend, but I thought this was very immature on her part. I have strong feelings for my girlfriend.  On the other hand, I like the relationship I have with my wife. How do you suggest I proceed? Or should I just proceed with breaking up with her? Thanks.

Mike 

Hi Mike,

I am sorry about the ride home. I am sure you wanted to be anywhere than in that car with your girlfriend  for the three hour ride home (which probably felt like eight). While I wasn’t there and don’t know how you were acting with your ex-wife in front of your girlfriend, it does sound like your girlfriend may be  a bit insecure. I am sure your intentions are friendship and wanting the best for your son. If you are not going to budge on your relationship (which sounds like it is really a great one for your child) I would suggest attending couples counseling with your girlfriend to discuss this. If she can’t understand that life goes on after a divorce then you may want the leave your current relationship. You need to find someone who understands that you had a life before you met them and a responsibility to keep things peaceful and joyous for your son. She has to have trust and faith like the eggs pictures above!

Lois  

Honeymoon in Reverse

Category : Divorce Ritual, Ex-Spouse

Everybody knows that the cliche honeymoon is always on tap right after you say “I do.”  You get your spf sunscreen and hop on a plane with your spouse to Hawaii or Acapulco for some fun in the sun to recoop after the whole wedding production.  Yes, the wedding that took you a year to plan and was over inwhat felt like, about ten minutes.  Now it’s time to figure out the next phase of your lives as a couple.

Fast forward, five years later and you unfortunately don’t have much in common any longer with your spouse.  You spend more time with your girlfriends for a good time and he spends more time with his secretary for a good time.  You file for divorce, go through the whole process and a year later come out the other side with a decree and your freedom.  What do you do next?  You go on a your “divorce honeymoon!” 

You had a honeymoon to mark your marriage, so it would only seem fitting to have a divorce honeymoon when it’s over.  Pick a place that you have always wanted to go, but haven’t been able to.  You can also just get away for the weekend if you want.  Get a room at the local beach or the local log cabin depending on the time of year.  The bottom line is that you are  spending some quality time with the most important person in your life right now – you! A divorce honeymoon is essential when hitting the restart button and getting back into the swing of things.  There are plenty of singles cruises around that offer many opportunities with other liberated divorcee’s who stayed strong and didn’t walk the plank. 

The key to the divorce honeymoon is that you are getting out there again. It’s a swift kick  for a divorcee to start living life with a new outlook (and maybe a new boyfriend)!

Running Into Your Ex

Category : Break-Up, Ex-Spouse

There is a lot of divorce in hollywood.  And Hollywood is also a small town, especially during awards season.  A probably uncomfortable encounter happened over the weekend.  At the CAA party it was reported by People Magazine that “Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore found themselves just feet away from each other Friday at the CAA/Grey Goose Pre-Golden Globes bash at Soho House.”  Kutcher even chatted with her daughter Rumer Willis.  Are things on pleasant terms?  Or is it just business as usual?

Whether you’re at a swanky Hollywood party or at the grocery store (I’d probably choose the party), it’s never easy running into an ex-husband or ex-wife. How do you approach them? What do you talk about? Depending on how long has passed can ease the awkwardness. In this case, Demi and Ashton files in November, which is pretty fresh. What if you have children together? Then, you have probably been in contact. Ashton and Demi don’t have any children together. What if you have a business together still? They may have had business dealings, but that can be settled and buy each other out.  Regardless, keeping things civil is the way to go. If it’s at the grocery store may ask your ex if they saw any good sales there?  Hey, you may both be on a budget, right? Just take a deep breath, act natural and be glad you been doing pilates three times a week since the divorce (eat your heart out)!

Check In/Check Outta Your Marriage

Category : Divorce Day, Ex-Spouse, Global Divorce, Travel

In Holland it seems that divorce can be accomplished in 3 days (with a free continental breakfast included).  Afternoons consist of lounging by the pool with your divorce attorney, accountant, and soon-to-be ex-spouse. Can you pass the SPF 30 and the papers to sign?

Seriously, there is a hotel in Holland that actually offers couples the opportunity to check in for the weekend as husband and wife and check out as, well, not.  It’s aptly called The Divorce Hotel and they offer couples an opportunity to get a quickie divorce just like you would get a quickie marriage in Las Vegas.  The cost is about $3,500, which seems like a good price (a divorce can go on for months and cost upwards of high double digits, if not more).

“It’s a divorce in three days, roundabouts, in a hotel,” said Jim Halfens, who runs the company.

Couples thinking about going through the Divorce Hotel process have to start with a set of extensive interviews. If they decide they can settle their differences quickly, with a mediator instead of lawyers, then they choose a four or five star hotel. Over three days, the mediator and other specialists – notaries, even psychologists – are on hand to help the couple.

“If the marriage can be saved, we always tell people they are at the wrong address at the divorce hotel,” said Marie-Louise Van As, a lawyer who works as a mediator at the Divorce Hotel.

She notes that during the three-day stay there are checklists and homework that the couples have to do ahead of time.  But, at the end, you can check your spouse off the list!

For more information click here.

Cutting The Ties From Your Marriage

Category : Divorce Ritual, Ex-Spouse, Friends and Divorce, Moving On


In any relationship, we are left with ties that we need to untie, especially a marriage. From bills to insurance to your “in case of emergency” person, it often feels endless. However, there are some other ties that are fun to cut that have nothing to do with paperwork. At a recent divorce party that I threw, I brought in one of my “divorce rituals” that the ladies loved! It’s called “Cutting the Ties That Bind.”

Step 1: Get as many suit ties as the years that you were married. You can order some online for a couple of dollars each. If your ex left some of his clothes behind to pick up at a later date, cutting his Louis Vuitton ties is not a good idea.

Step 2: Have a pair of hedgeclippers. Put on a bow on the end of the handle to make it festive!

Step 3: Recruit two of your BFF’s and have them hold each end of the tie and stretch it out.

Step 4: This is the fun part….cut the ties right down the middle. One after another for all of the years you spend married to your ex.

Step 5: Have your friends be the clean-up crew and ask them to pick up the pieces of the ties because you are done picking up the pieces of your marriage.

A Good Divorce

Category : Ex-Spouse, Remarry

A close friend of mine is going through intense chemo and radiation. She was divorced many years ago and has never remarried. She was staying with one of her children when the treatments first started. However, when her daughter and grandchildren became ill, her doctor suggested that she move somewhere else immediately.

My friend’s ex and his wife invited her to stay with them, and she felt it was a good idea. Even though the divorce was many moons ago, the ex and his wife opened their home and hearts and have been taking care of her. My friend is an incredibly warm and caring person and it looks like her ex-husband married a woman who is equally warm and loving.

How many of you could move in with your ex and their new spouse?