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Going Through The First Year After a Divorce

Category : Celebrity, Divorce Day

After a break-up or a divorce, making it through the first year is a big deal. Check out my latest Huffington Post article about making it through those initial 12 months. Please share the article. Here is a sample below:

It was recently reported that Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise completed their first year after the divorce was finalized.  Many divorced couples don’t think that they will survive after the split.  The completion of the first year marks an important milestone.

When you’re going through the divorce process, it feels like it will never end.  Then, one day, you both sign the divorce papers.  After all of the aggravation, you get that piece of paper in the mail and you say to yourself, “That’s it?”  This is what happened to me.  However, that piece of paper is important because it marks your first day of your new life.  It will always be your divorce day.

To read the rest of the article click here.

Upcoming Divorce Book

Category : Divorce Day, News

Married at Fourteen: A True Story

There is an upcoming book about divorce that may be one part shocking two parts interesting. When I saw the title, “Married at 14,” it immediately caught my eye (probably because I couldn’t believe my eyes).  Here is the decription from the book:

Lucille Lang Day got married at age 14, gave birth to her first child at 15, divorced her husband at 16, married him again at 17, and left him at 18 to go back to school. Today she is an award-winning poet and holds an M.A. in English and M.F.A. in creative writing from San Francisco State University, an M.A. in zoology and a Ph.D. in science and mathematics education from the University of California at Berkeley. Her memoir, Married at Fourteen, is a story full of hope and encouragement for those who find themselves in challenging circumstances. Her successful quest for fulfillment in romance, marriage, motherhood, education, and career shows that we need not give up, no matter how far we have veered from our goals.

The book is not going to be released till October, but I would say she has been through more by the time she was 18 than many of us at 50. And getting married a second time to the same guy at 17? Wow, this is going to be one unique story. Here is an article the author recently wrote for the Huffington Post.  

Flying High After A Divorce

Category : Divorce Day, Divorce Party

I threw a divorce party recently for a client and it was a blast! There was lots of humor and healing during a great afternoon along the canals in Venice Beach, California.

One of the reasons my divorce parties are unique from others is because of the rituals that my divorcees perform during each event. Not only do they bring structure to the party, but they offer a sort of do-it-yourself divorce detox. Each ritual performed gives way to more and more healing for the divorcee — the notion of moving on (and not looking back)!  I am always amazed at  how much other guests, who are divorced but didn’t have a divorce party, also feel a sense of healing and closure after being at a friends divorce party.

One of the rituals that is always a hit, and a personal fave of mine, is Fly Fly Away. I covered it months ago on my blog, but I have some new photos of this ritual being performed that I am excited to share with you! There will be more rituals in my upcoming book, The Divorce Ritual, so stay tuned. Meanwhile, here are the steps below for Fly Fly Away:

Step 1) On small pieces of paper, the divorcee should write all of the things she disliked about her ex.

Step 2) On small pieces of paper the guests should write down all of the wonderful things that they want for the divorcee’s new life.

Step 3) Everybody should roll up the little pieces of paper and put them into the balloons.

Step 4) Blow up the balloons and tie a string around each one.

Step 5) The divorcee should go outside with everyone at the party and let the balloons go into the sky (as pictured above).

Check In/Check Outta Your Marriage

Category : Divorce Day, Ex-Spouse, Global Divorce, Travel

In Holland it seems that divorce can be accomplished in 3 days (with a free continental breakfast included).  Afternoons consist of lounging by the pool with your divorce attorney, accountant, and soon-to-be ex-spouse. Can you pass the SPF 30 and the papers to sign?

Seriously, there is a hotel in Holland that actually offers couples the opportunity to check in for the weekend as husband and wife and check out as, well, not.  It’s aptly called The Divorce Hotel and they offer couples an opportunity to get a quickie divorce just like you would get a quickie marriage in Las Vegas.  The cost is about $3,500, which seems like a good price (a divorce can go on for months and cost upwards of high double digits, if not more).

“It’s a divorce in three days, roundabouts, in a hotel,” said Jim Halfens, who runs the company.

Couples thinking about going through the Divorce Hotel process have to start with a set of extensive interviews. If they decide they can settle their differences quickly, with a mediator instead of lawyers, then they choose a four or five star hotel. Over three days, the mediator and other specialists – notaries, even psychologists – are on hand to help the couple.

“If the marriage can be saved, we always tell people they are at the wrong address at the divorce hotel,” said Marie-Louise Van As, a lawyer who works as a mediator at the Divorce Hotel.

She notes that during the three-day stay there are checklists and homework that the couples have to do ahead of time.  But, at the end, you can check your spouse off the list!

For more information click here.

Up The Aisle

Category : Divorce Day, Divorce Ritual

At a recent divorce party, I incorporated one of my favorite Divorce Rituals entitled, “Up The Aisle” (pictured above). We all remember the walk we made down the aisle on our wedding day. It was an important first step in entering a brand new life.  Now that you’re ending your marriage, I propose (no pun intended) taking a walk down the aisle again. But this time go backwards!

This ritual is like hitting the rewind button on the movie of your married life.  You are going backwards from your old life, moving forward into your new one!  It’s time to ceremoniously undo the marriage and close that door behind you.  If you got married in a church, go back to where it all began and end it once and for all. Or, you can simply set-up an aisle in your living room or in your back yard. The point of this ritual isn’t the location that you choose. It’s about healing and moving on. Wherever you do this healing ritual, it’s sure to be a therapeutic stroll up the aisle the second time around. Also, this time you won’t have all that rice stuck in your hair or have to avoid tripping on the train of your wedding dress. Things are looking up already!

Divorce Billboard

Category : Divorce Day, News


Back in 2006, this was an actual billboard in New York City, located on 54th Street and 7th Avenue. Talk about making your divorce public! I would say she got her point across.

Do you think this is too drastic? Or, if you decide to cheat, then you have to deal with the consequences.

Welcome To Your Divorce Day

Category : Divorce Day

When I received the form letter from the county registrar — the “To Whom It May Concern” letter — stating that my divorce would be final in 6 months, if I did nothing more, I was appalled and shattered. After so many years of marriage, this was it? I thought. It ends with just a fizzle? How could this be? I felt there should be something to mark this important day in my life. Something to give the actual “divorce day” meaning.

Unfortunately, so many of us (around 50%) get divorced. But how do we mark the day when it’s finally final? You remember all the planning that went into your wedding, right? (You and/or your parents might still even be paying it off…ugh!) What about the day when the marriage officially ends? The day your new life begins.

This thought stayed with me for the six months until my divorce became final. That is, until the DAY that I decided to have a tea party with some special friends who had supported me through the divorce process. I found out that others were also starting to throw parties to celebrate the divorce day. Finally, people were beginning to move on and having fun doing it.

This blog was created to talk about that day and how you can make it special. Ways to make it a relevant moment in your life. I will be informing readers about fun ways and detail “rituals” to make that day special. But just like I needed help getting over my divorce, I need your input on this blog! Send me your comments and ideas to ltarter@yourdivorceday.com and tell me how you think we can make the official divorce day one to remember. Let’s all see how special this day can truly be!